Phew! Dah 6 bulan dah. Alhamdulillah, I’m grateful that I am here. At the 6 months mark. This journey is not easy. When I thought second time around will be sap sap soi…not at all.
Like I said before, my supplies are not melimpah ruah like other mommies. To date, I have only less than 10 bottles of EBM in the freezer. My supplies for Z every day is on a pump-today-for-tomorrow basis. I try my best not to utilize my frozen EBM. That’s for the rainy days. Tapi kadang-kadang terpaksa jugak “curi” satu dua.
Earlier this month I had an EBM disaster moment. The freezer was slightly ajar when I got home from work and ALLLLLLLLL my frozen EBM cair. All 13 bottles. I cried. Sedih sungguh tengok hasil penat lelah pumping cair sekelip mata. Walaupun semua EBM tu belum basi, boleh minum lagi, tapi the thought of starting over back to square one memang rasa runtuh hati ni. Macam orang putus cinta je. Eh silap..I tak pernah putus cinta. But maybe that’s how it felt.
I’m still merangkak at building up my stock. But I know I’ll get there. Slowly but surely. I have already had a mental backup plan of all the what ifs. One of it is I will take leave from work if I have to.
Now that Z has started solid, I lega sikit. Hopefully he wouldn’t need that much EBM..from 6 bottles maybe boleh cut to 5. At least kalau tak cukup boleh kasi dia makan extra sikit.
But one thing I am different this time, I am a lot confident that I could do this. Ada la panic sikit2 bila fikirkan susu tak cukup or bila bukak freezer tengok EBM frozen yang zero tu..tapi the feelings are under control. Unlike last time..berdebar, nak nangis, sedih, etc bila tgk freezer kosong. Emo lebih. Now much better.
I am looking forward to the next 6 months.