Lately, I’ve been thinking. I think I’m done with the corporate ladder. Everyday I drag my feet to the office and pretend to love doing what I do at work. It’s not that I don’t like the company. I do. With all my heart.
I want to cook for my family everyday. I want the house to be spick and span. I want to drive my kids everywhere they need to go – football practise, swimming class, kindy, sekolah agama, mengaji class, etc. I don’t wanna pump my milk and stressing over the inventories in the freezer. When IY and Z start school (with homework) I wanna be able to sit with them and watch them do their school work every night. I doubt I will be able to do that if I’m still working. Balik kerja dah malam, terus sambung buat kerja rumah pulak. By 10pm, my energy level is zero. Tu belum lagi patience level. Negative agaknye!
The sad truth is, I can’t leave yet. Not until Gee is stable with SP Auto. Not until we are debt free. Okay debt FREE is impossible – rumah dan kereta adalah long term debt. But you get what I mean kan.
I received a job offer a few weeks ago. But I hesitate to accept. I think he sensed my reluctance although he did convince me that the new job will make me closer to my kids. But taking up his offer will also mean I’m going back to square one. Or maybe I’m just too afraid to leave my comfort zone here.
I also received calls from few head hunters (to my surprise!). But I declined. I love this company too much. It’s like my baby. It’s daddy’s baby actually. For some reason, after all the drastic changes in the company, people expect me to leave too. But I just don’t have the heart to. I’m just hanging on. Hanging on tight. Real tight.
I saw Z crying while dropping off IY at the daycare after school today. My heart ached. Ached so bad.
*this is a melepaskan perasaan post. Please don’t be offended. I don’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelings. I’m just letting it out for me. For my sanity*