My ramblings

Lately, I’ve been thinking. I think I’m done with the corporate ladder. Everyday I drag my feet to the office and pretend to love doing what I do at work. It’s not that I don’t like the company. I do. With all my heart.

I want to cook for my family everyday. I want the house to be spick and span. I want to drive my kids everywhere they need to go – football practise, swimming class, kindy, sekolah agama, mengaji class, etc. I don’t wanna pump my milk and stressing over the inventories in the freezer. When IY and Z start school (with homework) I wanna be able to sit with them and watch them do their school work every night. I doubt I will be able to do that if I’m still working. Balik kerja dah malam, terus sambung buat kerja rumah pulak. By 10pm, my energy level is zero. Tu belum lagi patience level. Negative agaknye!

The sad truth is, I can’t leave yet. Not until Gee is stable with SP Auto. Not until we are debt free. Okay debt FREE is impossible – rumah dan kereta adalah long term debt. But you get what I mean kan.

I received a job offer a few weeks ago. But I hesitate to accept. I think he sensed my reluctance although he did convince me that the new job will make me closer to my kids. But taking up his offer will also mean I’m going back to square one. Or maybe I’m just too afraid to leave my comfort zone here.

I also received calls from few head hunters (to my surprise!). But I declined. I love this company too much. It’s like my baby. It’s daddy’s baby actually. For some reason, after all the drastic changes in the company, people expect me to leave too. But I just don’t have the heart to. I’m just hanging on. Hanging on tight. Real tight.

*sigh*

I saw Z crying while dropping off IY at the daycare after school today. My heart ached. Ached so bad.

-Pu3-

*this is a melepaskan perasaan post. Please don’t be offended. I don’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelings. I’m just letting it out for me. For my sanity*

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20 thoughts on “My ramblings

  1. oh babe..i tot im the only one here been thinking about what to do now, i have no heart to stay with the current condition but i cant leave the company at the moment until my husband is confirmed and stable with Proton..oh God, i have the same wish as you do..to take care the kids all by myself and awalys be there for them. everynight im thinking of ‘ if only’ i can send them to school, if only i can cook for them if only and if only..i have to make things sorted out, otherwise tak tenang babe..my body is here but my heart is at home with kids! i have to make sure something has been done before zara starts her primary school in next 2 yrs….u are not alone my dear!

  2. You both definitely are not alone.. My heart has long gone to come back to Msia esp with the current situation. All that matters to me is my family here and in Msia. I miss them so much. I put a blame to myself when by daughter dont get enough attention, dont eat properly like what a 2yrs plus toddler should be, and whenever she just dont want to sleep at night. I keep my eyes shut tightly whenever the house mcm kapal pecah, kain baju waiting to lipat.. and this is like everyday you know. And I only have 1 kid je and theres only 3 of us here. My mind right now is too pack with everything like nobody business, energy zero. But I cant afford to be SAHM, maybe this will never happen to me. So many wishes and prayers but for now, I just have to sunk this over until the next phase when only Almighty knows. Have to keep the faith though

    • Firstly..*group hug* 🙂

      Oh Kak Farah, tang kain baju waiting to be lipat adalah saya sangat memahami ok. Sangat!

      InsyaAllah, doa kita didengari. We will be waiting you to come back ok? Whenever, wherever.

  3. oh kak farah, i cried! Sedihla now..semua serba tak kena. Hati dah tak ikhlas nak kerja (subhanallah)..but at the moment gagahkan mencari rezeki utk the kids..sometimes i wish i could turn back time kt office ni..huhuhu..can’t hardly wait to see u and NSA soon! muahhhss to u & pu3..*hugs*

  4. niza, firstly nak wish happy birthday.. nyibuk gak nak wish kat blog pu3 🙂

    2nd – bak kata UIA, ikhlas tu kadang2 sifatnya adalah dari keterpaksaan, maka secara automatic walaupun kita rasa terpaksa gi ofis, tapi kita ikhlas .. insyaallah. (mode: menyedapkan hati sendiri 🙂

    mama2 sedunia mmg kena kuat semangat fizikal dan mental ye

    nak group hug gak

  5. Puteri, I believe bukan puteri seorang sahaja yang berhadapan dengan masalah sebegini dan saya percaya most of us nak jadi fulltime housewife and do the things betul tak..tapi dalam situasi sekarang banyak benda nak kena consider especially yang melibatkan financial..betul tak?Tabahkan diri,kuatkan semangat..selalu ingat kat Dia..insyaAllah, akan dipermudahkan setiap urusan..cheers!

  6. jom work from home everybody! i guess tu yang i nak dari dulu so u can be home with ur kids at e same time contribute to our household economy! just remember u r not alone 🙂

  7. pU3..rasanya semua wanita yg bergelar ibu mempunyai perasaan yg sama mcm awak dan kita semua sememangnya mahu setiap saat kita dengan ank2.Tapi apakan daya zaman sekarang memerlukan komitment yg tinggi.Kuatkan semangat,cekalkan hati&sentiasa tawakal bahawa DIA sentiasa berada dgn kita..Insyallah kita mampu tempuhinya..Amin

  8. same with me pu3..saya klu boleh nak 24jam dgn diaorg…ingat lg waktu kita sekolah rendah dulu kalau citer bab cita2 kemain semangat lg..tp bila masing2 ader family n kids..we want to be with themkan…nak nangis bila baca coretan u…

    • awww..jgn nangis…hehe..betul teringat kena isi kad besar tu cita2 bila dah besar..pensyarah la, penyanyi la, bomba la..bukan main lagi kita kan…those are the good ‘ol days.

  9. it feels good to vent,doesnt it! good for u. this is your space, your blog. u have the right to say whatever u want, feel whatever u want.

    fyi i quit the rat race 5 yrs ago because of the same reasons. i was in denial for the longest time, and it was quite a difficult adjustment going from a manager to housewife. hahaa. but it was seriously well worth it. may u find what u want in the end! we deserve a happy ending 😉 insyaAllah.

    • Yes I feel much better knowing I’m not alone. And it keeps me going. At least for a few more years until I figure out my long term plan.

      Wow, I tabik you finally did it. And yes, I know it’s going to be a BIG adjustment for me later (if I ever manage to quit this rat race).

      Amin.. I hope my prayers will be answered. All I know I want to do it for my husband and kids. Insyallah Allah akan permudahkan.

  10. dont worry dear…bertahan sikit je lagi…You’ll get there…I’ll pray for you! (cita2 nak jadi penyanyi tu yang tak tahan tu…hahaha)

    Hanna

    • Yup..sikit lagi..I’m holding on for a few more years. Nak kasi clear short term debt sikit lagi ni.

      Hahaha!! Semangat betul nak jadi penyanyi..pelakon..ntah apa2 ntah!

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