In our case, it’s Mr Z’s tantrum.
Zayyan is now 2.9yo. Such a manja boy he is. But when he throws a tantrum, it doesn’t look pretty. Since we never had this kind of situation with IY, this a new learning curve for us as parents.
How do I describe Z’s melt down? Hmmm let’s see. He screams when he doesn’t get what he wants. Or if we don’t attend to him immediately. He doesn’t take “please wait” that well.
How do we deal with him? Certainly no spanking. Although I do “babab” my kids but only on the buttocks. I might scream and yell in the house when I’m angry ( which I’m reallyyyy not proud of and I know I need to improve on that), but no pukul. Anak bawah 6 tahun perlu dibelai. Bukan dipukul. If I get too angry or frustrated, I will just walk away. Calm myself first, istighfar banyak-banyak. Sebab masa kita tengah marah, syaitan berlumba-lumba datang cucuk jarum. Then, I’ll just keep quiet and stare at him. Stare with loving eyes not angry eyes. Eye level mesti sama dengan dia. Kalau dia baring, kita baring sama and look at him. With Zayyan, ignore strategy is the best tactic so far. At home, if he cries his eyes out or scream at the top of his lungs wanting what he wants, I’ll just walk away and ignore. Probably in an hour or so, senyap la dia. I pernah took pictures and videos of him crying. Marah betul dia but I did it anyway. And I played the video over and over showing him “haa tengok sapa tengah nangis dalam phone ni?”. He immediately stop crying!
In public, it’s tougher. Sebab mana boleh nak walk away je kan. Kena tebalkan muka dengan orang ramai. Just laugh it off sambil cakap sorry to the audience.
Zayyan once put up a show kat Labuan Airport. He wanted to ride on those RM5 for 5 minutes motorbikes pusing-pusing kat open area. The boys had one ride each. Then when it was time to go, he screamed bloody murder wanting more! I just picked him up and carried him away from the scene. God knows how much energy needed to do that. I just let him cry sambil peluk dia ketat-ketat. Later, he was still struggling and I just gave up. I passed him to Gee and went to the toilet to “walk away”.
Gee distracted him with things around the departure hall. Panjat tiang lah, bergayut kat railing lah, basically benda-benda yang dia suka and it worked! Phew! I came back and see a less tantrum boy. He requested for milk and doze off. Woke up half an hour later. Started crying again (but not screaming, just merengek) “Adik nak naik motor”. *sigh*. Halaahhhhh dia ingat balik. Again, Gee distracted him with food and the surroundings (luckily boleh nampak plane from the boarding area). Ada modal la si ayah nak melayan anak. So we found the formula. It is to distract him with other things that he likes. Although it is not easy, so far it works.
I find that working as a team with your partner is important. One parent will usually be the calmer one in each situation. Let the calmer parent handle the kid. Yang sorang lagi tengah mendidih, please go somewhere else. Well, if you are in the car, for example, memang tak boleh nak pegi mana kan. Just keep quiet and jangan masuk campur when the other parent is “working”. And of course, please support and complement each other. If your partner tengah naik angin, remind him/her to istighfar and sabar.
Dulu IY pernah tumpahkan vitagen atas sofa and I went crazy. Only when Gee said to me “Hey hey…it’s just vitagen. Awat marah anak sampai macam tu?”. Which is true. It’s.just.the.freaking.orange.flavoured.vitagen. *sigh*. I regret yelling at IY. Kesian dia. Mak meroyan tak tentu pasal. Sayang sofa ke sayang anak?
Last but not least, doa.
Doa supaya kita diberikan kesabaran in handling the kids. Doa supaya anak-anak lembut hati bila kita didik dia. Patience is virtue. Bila anak-anak tidur, usap kepala dia and tell them how much we love them and we want them to be a good boy/girl. Minda separuh sedar works wonders!
Thanks for reading. Although this article is actually a reminder to myself. Sebab I feel that I need to jot this down to read again in future.
More patience, less yelling. Watch that tone, mommy.