And we are officially done

At 2 years 1 month, I’m proud to announce that my mission is accomplished! Yeay! Alhamdulillah. Zayyan is officially off the boobies! Weehoo!!!

When I was bedresting at the hospital, he slept with Gee and IY at MIL’s for 3 nights. No mommy, no nenen. Gee said Z was coping well. He didn’t ask for nenen. He just asked for “tutu”. When the boys came to visit me, Z was too busy playing and exploring the room he didn’t even mention nenen. And thank God I was not engorging too. Lega sesangat my strategy worked! I wrote about my weaning off strategy here.

When I was discharged, Z started asking for it at home. But I just distracted him with toys and offered him the bottle. He was okay during daytime but there was a little bit of drama when it comes to 3am! He started to demand for it! Nangis and pukul-pukul kita. But I knew I just had to. He was doing so well when I was away,  I didn’t want to ruin this progress, I thought. So I just had to force myself bangun malam-malam and bancuh his susu (or when I was too sleepy, Gee la orangnye yang turun bawah). Oh but now we have a mini susu station in our bedroom for the night service. Complete with thermopot! Daddy is much happier now. Tee-hee!!

And so, my breastfeeding journey ends here. Sadaqallahul’azim……Sehingga kita ketemu lagi di episode yang akan datang. Aminnn!



Breastfeeding: Year Two

Another reason to celebrate yesterday, apart from it was Z’s birthday was of course my 2-year breastfeeding journey. Wow the feeling! Ah-mayy-zing!!

Though I can’t say the journey has ended yet, but at least if it stops now at any point, I don’t mind. Right now I’m just waiting for Z to slowly coming to terms that he has to say goodbye to mommy’s boobies. LOL!! No pressure. Mommy’s just chillin’.

At the mo, Z is still a casual drinker. He only requests for nenen bila dia teringat. Which most of the time I will try to distract him with his bottle of milk. He drinks Dutch Lady 123 (white). Nak tau napa tuka from Pediasure? Sebab masa balik from Istanbul haritu, the formula stock we brought dah habis. So dalam plane I requested from the flight attendant if they had spare formula. They had Dutch Lady in white original flavour. Surprisingly Z liked it. MAS gave the whole packet pulak tu suruh bawak balik semua. Wahhh best! Balik rumah sambung minum lagi and when I gave Pediasure, dia tak nak dah pulak!

We had a few successful no-bf nights. He still wakes up usually at 3-4am for milk but when given the bottle, he will just drink up and doze off.

But!!! When he wants nenen and nothing else, he WANTS it! Sampai hentak2 kaki and jerit nangis. And when he gets it, he will giggle and smile…drink, pause and look at me..”mama, dap!! (mama, sedap!). Awww, how can you NOT melt?? It’s okay baby, we are getting there. Slowly but surely ya?

I have to say, weaning off is a very painful heartbreaking process. Sedih betul mommy ni. Eh, mommy yang sedih? Emo habis!

Said this in my insta, wanna say it again – YAY!!! MOMMY DAH GRADUATE!! BALING TOPI CONVO!!


Happy 2nd Birthday Zayyan Umar

My little petite baby is 2 today! Pejam celik sudah dua!

Happy Birthday Yayan sayang! Mama Ayah and Abang doakan Adik grow up healthy and happy. Be a good man. You are always in my prayers. Always and forever.

All grown up. This clingy boy is becok at home but shy with strangers. Level of tantrum is 2-notch higher than IY. A work-in-progress on the weaning off process. Very camera friendly (vainpot juga!!). Very putera lilin. Very kaki bodek. Classic case of the second child syndrome. Adorable nevertheless. Mama loves you with all my heart.


Breastfeeding: Still

It’s been a while since I last talk about my breastfeeding journey. Zayyan is 20 months now and still on the boobies. But he’s more like a casual drinker now. Dah pandai demand when he wants it. Kalau dah ehek ehek buat muka kesian and cucuk2 my chest tu, mommy gets the point. Bila dia tengah ralit bermain ke or doing his thing, dia haus dia datang and demands for his milk. Tak sampai berapa minit – dah (yes, he actually says dah!). Pastu sambung main. Japgi datang balik and sambung minum susu. If kalau dulu masa zaman pumping I feel like a milk factory, now I feel like a water cooler machine. LOL! He still wakes up at night for his feeding (although I cannot remember how many times coz I feed while I’m sleeping). One thing that annoys mommy now is Z cannot stay still while drinking! Busy betul kaki tangan segala. Sambil humming menyanyi pun pernah!

I have completely stop pumping and sold my Medela FS. I no longer have that engorgement feeling as my body has adjusted to the no-pumping less-feeding mode. Ada sekali je hari tu entah kenapa tiba2 engorge bagai nak gile and terus seram sejuk demam kat office. Sengsara nak tunggu pukul 5.30 petang habis kerja terus ikut Gee pegi fetch the kids (biasanya I tunggu kat rumah je for them to come home). I couldn’t stand the pain. Dan dan tu jugak dalam kereta I forced Z to drink up. Si kenit ni memang pantang di offer! But it took me around 3 days jugak la to clear up the hard lump and for the pain to go away. Selain the extra feeding, I also did the Marmet hand express, hot shower and tuam dengan warm bag. And of course, Panadol!

I have 4 more months to go and somehow I feel sad. Breastfeeding is an emotional bonding. And to end that special bonding is very heart-breaking. I have started talking to Z about him going to be a big boy soon. That his birthday is coming up and he will no longer drink his nenen. He can drink his “tutu” (susu) like his “abam” (abang). I don’t think he understands yet. Tapi takpe la kan, never underestimates a child. Especially masa dia nak lena tu tengah mamai that’s the best time nak nasihat anak.

I’m on my way there. Sikit je lagi.


Breastfeeding: Almost done

Little Z turned 17 months yesterday. Meaning I’m almost three quarter done with this breastfeeding journey. Wahh I’m so proud of myself. Macam tak percaya I got this far. Z is now eating like a champ! Putting on weight (slowly but surely). I couldn’t ask for more. Good job, Adik!

So I have this little plan in my head on how to wean him off by June 2013. I want him to be off the boobies by his 2nd birthday. Some may not agree with me. But I’m just planning ahead. I wish I don’t have to go through the letak garam kopi cuka segala on my tits just to make him rejects me. I want the parting to be sweet and meaningful (cewah!). Not masin masam or pahit! Kesian jugak kat dia. Tak kan nak go cold turkey kot. Dia bukan tahu apa. Why mommy why? Nenen kan sedap?

I also don’t want the process to be painful for me. Literally I meant. Engorge, leaking and keras-macam-batu is not what I have in mind. Apatah lagi demam. Hoh! Memori semasa pantang kembali? Nehi.

Breastfeeding is all in the brains remember? It’s how you channel your thought. So the first step is less pumping. I will only pump when tangki sudah penuh. I want to send signals to my brain (and subsequently) to my boobs to slow down production. Dulu 3x a day in the office. Then 2x. Now it’s only 1x je and I’ll do it at home after work. Itupun kalau Z tak kendurikan dulu. Habiskan EBM dalam freezer for his daily consumption. Tak perlu restock dah. But direct feeding is still on. As and when demanded.

Next step. To slow down on the day time direct feeding. How? Kasi dia makan banyak2 and when it’s susu time, it will be his Pediasure choc milk or Goodday fresh milk. He’ll also be fully on Pediasure at daycare.

Now comes the hard part. Night time feeding. Huwarghhh! I simply don’t know how to do this yet. Simply because malasnye nak bangun malam bancuh susu! Until he really sleeps through the night, I think this will be my biggest challenge.

The other hard part – I won’t be burning (effortless-ly) the extra 500 calories anymore.

Wish me luck


Breastfeeding: 15 months

How’s my journey so far?

  • 15 months and I’m still leaking. Syukur. Murah betul rezeki Z.
  • Pump once a day kat office – dapat 3.5-4oz each side. Total 7-8oz.
  • Frozen stock- 1 bottle je in the freezer. Kalau dulu I dah meroyan dah, but now I’m more relaxed. Sebab tu susu I banyak lagi kot. Sebab tak nak stress dah.
  • Sejak consume Appeton, Z drinks EBM a lot more. Used to drink only 2.5oz je each bottle but now dah up to 3-3.5oz. Babysitter cakap habis je minum. If not dulu bercinta nak habiskan sebotol. They had to pour sikit demi sedikit panaskan takut bazir tak habis.
  • Pediasure minum 4oz kat taska. Sometimes more. Dia nak lagi.
  • I don’t pump at home or on weekends now. Z drinks directly from me like a champ. Pantang di-offer. Dah macam baby dalam confinement pulak – selang sejam dua.
  • When he’s with me, he doesn’t want Pediasure, so I ganti dengan chocolate milk Goodday tu. Minum dengan straw.
  • He rarely bites (on purpose). Thank God! But somehow gigi tu gesel jugak with my skin and sometimes it hurts. When it hurts, I let go (with my pinky finger) and reposition. Marah sungguh putera sorang ni if that happens.
  • I’m a pro now when it comes to feeding in public (with no nursing cover). Bangga sikit! :=). But credit to Z sebenarnya. Sebab dia tak selak2 tolak2 baju and dia tak kisah baju /tudung tutup muka dia sikit masa menyusu.

That’s all for now. 9  more months to go. I can do this!


The other milk

My second attempt to introduce Z with fresh milk. First time dulu he vomitted after 10 minutes drinking the milk. And I just learned that UHT milk and fresh milk are two different kinds.

Last week I tried again. But the phobia me tak beli dah the UHT Dutch Lady. I gave him the cold Goodday fresh white milk. Dia tak suka. Then I tried the chocolate flavour. Baru dia nak. Tapi minum pun tak banyak. Dalam 1 oz je. Takpelah, at least dia tak muntah.

Both kids love the choc flavour. This was my minuman ruji masa pregnant dulu

Then I tried Pediasure (as recommended by the paed sebab Z underweight – he’s 8.1kg at 15m). As expected he didn’t like the white vanilla flavour. Try pulak yang chocolate. Tak suka jugak. But I didn’t give up. Tak nak membazir sebab dah beli tin kecik susu tu. Bawak pi taska and ask them to try pulak. And guess what? 4oz habis ok! Ooo pandai ye dia…with me tak nak langsung. Kat taska pandai bawak diri.

But don’t get me wrong, he’s still on the boobies. Very much. The other milk are just additional food to complement mommy’s milk. I cannot deny the fact that other milk is good for him too. Dulu ada la jugak terfikir, no FM at all. Tapi when I think of it again, cheese, chocolate, butter tu semua pun datang dari source yang sama jugak. I tak boleh jadi selfish hardcore bf mommy.

Ayah kata Vanilla lagi sedap dari Chocolate

On his food intake, he practically eats everything. Kalau kasi bubur, uwekk! Nak makan macam orang tua. Amboi! Tak kalah. It’s a relief though, sebab boleh masak 1 jenis lauk for both kids..hehehe…semangkuk nasi boleh suap abang dan adik serentak. But of course I still screen what he eats. Bukan belasah kasi semua. So if people nak kata “kurus nye anak macam mak tak kasi makan”, I beg to differ. Maybe dulu I was worried dia kurus, but now, I redha je terima that’s he’s just the skinny petite type. As long as sihat, I’m grateful and blessed.


Breastfeeding: Ramadhan far

Alhamdulillah..we’re almost half way through Ramadhan.

This year, my breastfeeding journey is more calm and relaxing than last. Happy sangat. Currently, Z drinks only 2.5oz per bottle at daycare (he’s a reverse cycler – prefers the direct feed than the bottle). Total 3 bottles per day. Bulan puasa work ends at 4.30. If I’m lucky, dia tak sempat minum pun the 3rd bottle terus boleh kasi direct. Save 1 bottle carry forward esok hari.

My pumping schedule pun tak terganggu. Output tetap sama despite me fasting. And this year, I learned from my previous year experience to take it slow. Lepas pumping, I will just sit and take a breather. Kalau dulu lepas pump terus rasa lightheaded bila terus bangun berdiri. Dah terbiasa minum air after bila puasa agak melayang sikit badan ni.

I pump twice a day at 11 and 4 at work. I will get 8-10oz in total usually (that’s about 4 bottles of 2.5oz). 3 bottles will be for tomorrow’s bekal and 1 bottle up in the freezer. Happy sangat sebab boleh freezekan sikit. Rezeki Ramadhan agaknya, siap ada extra boleh stock up.

Wow, it still feels surreal that I’m still breastfeeding and pumping religiously at 13m. Thank you Ya Allah.


Too early for fresh milk, perhaps?

This is a continuation from my last post a about feeding Z with fresh milk.

Well, it didn’t turn out so good.

I bought the Dutch Lady 1-6 UHT milk dalam box tu. First attempt, I mix the milk into his porridge. Recipe ala2 carbonara la kononnye. Then, I informed the daycare that his porridge ada susu Dutch Lady so if he had any allergic reaction, they should know why. And to inform me immediately. Alhamdulillah, he survived the porridge.

After 2 days, baru I started giving him the milk directly. Poured 3oz (sama macam his EBM intake) into his bottle and warmed it up. He drank like a champ! Gulp gulp gulp! But the tummy didn’t like it as much as he did. After about 10-15 minutes…uweekkkk!!!! He vomited the milk. All of it.

I tried again the next day and still the same. Habis car seat dia kena muntah. Argh! The leceh-ness of cleaning carseat with vomit. I no like!

For sure I know he’s not allergic to cow’s milk (from the porridge intake). If ada, dia dah swollen satu badan, right?

I take it that it’s too early for fresh milk. Tummy dia still adjusting. Most mommies yang kata their kids were okay with fresh milk are the 2 year olds yang memang dah weaned off the boobies and dah makan macam-macam.

So we shall wait. I’ll be trying again soon. When? I’m not sure. Let’s let the mommy instinct decides.


Breastfeeding: One year

Alhamdulillah I’m here. One year mark. Wow! Pat on my back. I have to say I’m proud of myself. I didn’t get this far with IY dulu so please excuse me for my excited-ness ni.

My first year journey was not a rosy adventure. Semua dah merasa dah. Sore nips, low stock, ebm cair pintu freezer tak tutup ketat, susu kurang, malas pump and my latest is kena gigit! I think semua tu pengalaman bf yang tak dapat kat mana2. Bak kata Visa (eh ke Mastercard?)’s priceless. Indeed. I wouldn’t trade it for a million bucks.

Walaupun I’m not the type yang susu banyak melimpah ruah ( I only have less than 5 bottles of frozen EBM in the freezer and it has been like that for the past few months), I truly believe that BF is all about determination and belief. You must have faith that you will and you want to breastfeed. Kalau susu banyak segelen pun, kalau determination tu takde, bye bye la jawabnye.

I learned a lot from being a second time BF mom…jangan panic (although ada la sikit kan? Hehe)…and jangan stress. Always have a back up plan in mind of all the what ifs. As for me, I dah set mind, susu ada susu ada…pump pump pump. Kalau tak cukup, amik cuti! I dah set my mind akan cuti kalau stock tak cukup. Tapi at the same time, I tak nak jadi the hardcores yang reject FM or any other substitutes. Yang cakap bagi anak susu lembu jadi anak lembu la..itu la ini.. tu semua tu (btw, that’s harsh okay?).

Satu je I tak larat nak buat….BANGUN MALAM TO PUMP! I surrender yang tu. Tried tapi tak jadi. Masa pantang je boleh buat. Right now I’m too tired to wake up at night.

As for now, my journey continues. Here’s for the next 12 months!